Stupid Stat: 4 Daily Cups Of Coffee Extend Life

The respected Daily Telegraph makes that statement, and I assume all coffee freaks heartily agree. I don’t. I hate coffee. Always have, at least since my early days in the Navy.

As an 18-year-old just out of boot camp, the anti-coffee attitude began. My first job aboard a transport carrying Marines was placing large pitchers of steaming black coffee each day, from 6 am to 7 pm, on tables in the troop mess compartment.

Each container weighed at least 25 pounds, and in addition to the trouble lugging them, the strong pungent smell was overwhelming. Those Marines who weren’t seasick slurped up the coffee quickly, and all my daily duty hours were spent brewing the coffee in a giant container, filling and dragging the pitchers to the tables. My hate for coffee was born there, and today just the smell of it still offends me.

The ridiculous British newspaper headline in its Science section reads: Four cups of coffee a day could slash chances of early death. Stats from the article are from a study of nearly 20,000 people, and claim the regular coffee drinkers had a more than 64% lower death rate, whatever that means. You don’t have to be a scientist to know that the human death rate is eventually and always 100%.

Hey, Telegraph, are you being paid by coffee industry guys to come up with such ridiculous figures? Actually, four cups of coffee a day would keep you up all night and negatively affect health. Now hear this. I’m 92, in good health, and you know where you can stick your four daily steaming smelly cups of coffee.

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