News Report: NFL Stadiums Half Empty This Season

Hello, hello (echo). Gee, I wonder where all the fans have gone? First, there’s the economics. Average ticket prices this year have inflated up to $200. With parking fees and grossly overpriced drinks and snacks, it costs $250 per fan to watch the heroic players kick, jump, dance, hug each other and fall down for an hour.

Now, the up-yours politics. The insanely-overpaid NFL jocks have decided to become the social conscience of America. During halftimes they arrogantly squat during the National Anthem. They’re saying to hell with patriotism and we don’t respect all those who’ve fought and died for our freedom and great wealth! Therefore who wants to pay outrageous bucks to see that NFL comedy of errors?

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