Desperate For More Recruits, Army Now Enlisting Nutcases

According to USA Today, requirements have been lowered to accept those would-be soldiers with crazy histories. According to the official War Department list, their peculiarities include “self-mutilation, bipolar disorder, depression and drug and alcohol abuse”.

So, let’s give these nutcase guys weapons. What could possibly go wrong? Put one of the crazies on guard, and he calls out: Halt, who goes there? Bang. Gee, I wonder who went there. So, what the hell! Let all the nutcases into the Army!

Hey, come to think about it, insane military characters are nothing new in the good old USA. Consider Mad Anthony Wayne, George Old Blood & Guts Patton, Stonedwall Jackson, Dugout Doug MacAthur, Lighthorse Harry Lee, Sergeant Bilko, Captain Queeg, Dr. Strangelove, Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf and every basic training sergeant and Navy boot camp chief.

LATE FLASH: The Army now says because of all the heavy criticism caused by the USA Today report, it will not seek recruits with mental problem histories. Hmmm. Did anyone just see some white-coated guys carrying straight jackets run into the Pentagon?

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