Hey, Dumb-Ass Human I Allow To Live With Me…

Stare deep into my pale blue hypnotic eyes and repeat after me:
I will buy fresh steak every day for you.
I will not bring any ƒ¶§∞∆π√ cats into my house.
I will never tell you to go fetch, beg, heel nor bark at the mailman.
I will clean up your poop when you take me for a walk.
I will never neuter you …. and …
I will daily bring sexy young canine bitches to your doghouse.

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