In an attempt to unite the political parties, President Trump will appoint Hillary Clinton Secretary of War and Bill Clinton Secretary of Piece.
In a startling move, major universities will require student athletes to attend classes. However, they may not disturb fellow students there by wearing earphones while listening to multi-million-dollar offers from pro teams.
All pro athletes will show their patriotism by standing proudly on stacks of money during the playing of the National Anthem.
At the next Academy Awards, instead of the golden Oscar statuettes, producer and director winners will receive miniature casting couches.
The Kardashians will turn one of their Beverly Hills mansions into a nunnery and take vows of media silence and bedroom chastity.
Kim Jong-un will turn North Korea into a fantastic Disney park, featuring such friendly amusements as the It’s A Small Bomb, Spaced Out Mountain and Dumbo the Flying Dictator.