Old Navy Vet: Crewless Ship To Join U.S. Fleet

Named USS Sea Hunter, the drone combat vessel will operate totally by experts in control rooms back on land. It’s being developed and tested as an anti-submarine warfare vessel by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

How does this former sailor who served in World War 2 and Korean War feel about this scuttlebutt? Do I regret that it won’t have crew’s quarters crowded with four-stacked racks. That’s where I once dwelt nightly among loud snores, thick cigarette smoke, illegal booze and frequent flatulence?

What kind of mess hall would be most appropriate for a ship full of non-human swabbies? Would the meal menus be only oil cans, or traditional Navy dishes, such as shit on a shingle (creamed chipped beef on toast)?

If some electronic cog or wheel on a mechanical sailor fails to do its duty, will the metal crewman be up for trial by captain’s mast? Further, if found guilty, would the digital swabbie be sentenced to 40 days of rusty rivets or piss and punk (water and bread) in the ship’s brig (prison)?

The non-human sailors may come back aboard the Sea Hunter after a night of fusing and fussing with robotic maidens in port. Will they then be required to go through the usual VD routine? Of course, the most important one will be short arm (genital) inspection by medically-qualified digital penis machinists (pharmacist’s mates). Final question: Would a crewless ship be commanded, as too many regular ones are, by clueless officers?

Wishing Anchors Aweigh to the U.S. Navy’s new mechanical messmates!

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