Ballots All Counted: Putin Narrowly Wins Russian Election

He squeaked by with only 75% of the vote. The losing candidates wanted to congratulate President Vladimir, but cellphones don’t work from deep inside Siberian coal mines. He did get a one-word note from Chinese President-For-Life Xi Jinping: Amateur!

This is Putin’s fourth six-year term, and he has hinted that he may retire when it ends in 2024. U.S. President Trump is considering going to Moscow and celebrate the election win with his good pal, Vlad. However, it’s still winter weather in Russia, and Trump’s advisors have warned him not to get involved in another Stormy situation.

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