In 14 hundred and 92, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Now other famous guys are kneeling, too. And they each solemnly recite his own pledge of alienation to the United States of America during the National Anthem:
I stoop to dedicate this nation to ourselves, we pro football prima donnas with grossly inflated egos and bank accounts to express our arrogant, up-yours attitude. We play weekly autumn schoolyard games for an hour and are obscenely overpaid for our childish efforts.
We kindly donate much of our riches to needy drug dealers, greedy realtors, speedy carmakers and seedy streetwalkers. Anyhow, please have pity on us! We are forced to kneel because our pockets are so loaded down with money.
Happy Columbus Day!