How To Keep Everyone Six Feet Away From You

AstairIn this era of spreading coronavirus fears, we’re required to keep that distance away from everyone else. To cooperate with the dire regulation, here are some serious suggestions on the dangers and/or benefits:

Do sweaty exercises three times daily, and never wash your stinky clothes
Eat nothing but baked beans three times a day
Pour week-old garbage on the floor and roll around in it
Frequently hug and pet the smelly fur of an incontinent old relative or dog
Shout and curse menacingly whenever small kids come near
Instead of couples dancing, swirl like Fred Astaire without Ginger Rogers
After a long, hot walk, sit in crowded theater seat and scratch stinky feet
Never ever having intimate physical relations again

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