Tag Archives: hillary clinton

Nearly 3/4 Of Democrats Say Nooooo Hillary In 2020!

According to a Rasmussen Reports survey, today her formerly loyal party followers of 2016 won’t go thru the same wringer again. They don’t want her to run during the next Presidential election process two years from November.

A lifelong Democrat, I cast my first vote for Harry Truman in 1948, and have supported the party candidates ever since. Well, I almost went for old Navy shipmate John McCain in 2008, but his Sarah Palin for veep blunder kept me in the Democrat line at the polls. Then came 2016, with both candidates equally unqualified and unworthy. I held my nose and loyally voted for the very slightly less obnoxious Hillary.

If still around, what will this old citizen do in 2020 if Hillary is the party candidate? It depends on who’ll be the Republican candidate. Speaking of Depends, Hillary will be 72, but if the Democrats instead put up senile Bernie Sanders, age 80, at my then age 95, I may just go GOP.

Voters Loved Generals, Now It’s Show Biz Stars

Remember when you managed to stay awake in U.S. history class? The obvious fact was that many early Presidents had been Army generals. Starting with George Washington, then on to Andy Jackson, Zachary Taylor, William Henry Harrison, U.S. Grant and Ike Eisenhower. Of course, Teddy Roosevelt was only a colonel, but his heroic charge up San Juan Hill soon got him elected, too.

However, for the past 40 years or so, celebrity got most presidential wannabes into the White House. It started with Jack Kennedy, and although he had been a lowly Navy lieutenant, his World War 2 heroism and movie-star looks combined to start the trend we’re in today.

Bill Clinton, who actually marched against the Vietnam War, also had the young politician glamor. And, of course, he also exhibited some of the Kennedy extra-marital wanderings. And Ronald Reagan, who served as a recruiting officer in World War 2, got into the White House because of his actual movie star personality.

Then, along came Trump, with two positive features that appealed to celebrity-crazed voters. Not only did he host his own TV show, but he also brought a lifetime of slightly nefarious, but very successful business dealings. And he barely beat out the first woman candidate for the presidency, none other than the faithful wife of a previous predatory president.

And now, rising fast in the ranks for future presidential candidates is Oprah Winfrey. She brings to the fray several powerful attributes. She’s talented, black, female, wealthy and a huge show biz star. And in spite of her billions in the bank, she’s a liberal Democrat. OK, so she’s never been a general nor queen of Ancient Egypt, but what could possibly go wrong in the Electoral College for her vs Trump in 2020?

Hugh Hefner Gets Laid By Marilyn Monroe

The movie sex goddess graced the very first Playboy cover in 1953. As his final tribute, the late magazine mogul bought the burial plot next to her grave at Westwood Memorial Park in Los Angeles. There, for eternity they’ll lie together.

When I asked some of my fellow horny old guys if they’d seek such a final unresting place, here are some grave choices of postmortem partners: I want to be buried next to….
Mae West: She said come down and see me sometime.
Catherine the Great: She wasn’t called great for nothing.
Marie Antoinette: No worry about headstrong nagging.
Amelia Earhart: If she started to nag, I’d say get lost!
Eve: In the Garden of Eden, but watch out for snakes.
Any Kardashian female: The world will thank me!
Hillary Clinton: If you don’t mind ghostly howls: I shoulda been President!

Win Or Lose: Politicos Make Millions As Orators

Are you watching Hillary pitch her book on all the network news shows? She’s great! Gotta hand it to her! In fact, whatever she does these days gotta result in her greedy hand out for mucho dinero.

Her regular charge for making a 30-minute speech is $250k, plus travel, hotel and other expenses. Go for it, Hillary! Even grossly overpaid pro sports jocks squat down on one knee in jealous respect for her cash-earning abilities.

And to make sure dire poverty doesn’t overwhelm the Clinton household, Bill gets the same amount as wife Hillary for his speeches. Poor Chelsea charges only $65,000, but hey, give her time to learn the trade. She hasn’t done anything scandalous yet.

In case you’re looking for a greedy politician to give a speech at your next church or Kiwanis Club meeting, consider others and their modest fees: Mitt Romney $68k, Newt Gingrich, Dick Cheney $75k, Sarah Palin $100k, Rudy Giuliani $100k, Condoleezza Rice, George W. Bush, Colin Powell $150k, Arnold Schwarzenegger $250k and bargain barker Donald Trump $400k.

And don’t fret about ex-prez Barack Obama. Not to be outdone by the new White House resident, he also grabs $400k.

Hillary Clinton Making Millions On “How I Lost”

Her lecture tour about losing the election is expected to bring Hillary enormous riches. Conor McGregor, who just lost that dance contest to Floyd Mayweather made more than $100 million.

What if other losers in history had profited by having their butts kicked? For example:

Napoleon after Waterloo: My millions for loser speaker fees are tucked safely here in my shirt.
Cornwallis vs Washington in Yorktown: Damn it! I wanted to call that new city Cornwallis DC!
Kaiser Wilhelm after World War 1: OK, we lost. Let’s get another guy with a funny mustache and try again in another 20 years.
Hitler in WW2 Berlin Bunker: Nope, Willy, we lost our deutscher arsches again.
Robert E. Lee: Now that the damn Yankees won the Civil War, they’ll go on to win all those World Series.
David vs Goliath: Dave won because I was stoned.
Czar Nicholas vs Lenin: Ty che, blyad! I lost at Russian roulette.

Hillary Show Tix Sell For Up To $1,200 Each

She lost the election but is presiding over a growing multi-million buck national vaudeville act. She won’t dance, sing nor do magic. Hillary will merely smirk on stage about the current hilarious shenanigans of Trump, Putin, Kim Jong-un and other more successful crooked politicians.

The advertised purpose of the 15-city tour this fall is to peddle her new book, What Happened. According to news sources, she promises to tell eager audiences her “personal, raw, detailed and surprisingly funny story.”

Hey, Hillary, I have an idea in case this circus sideshow doesn’t rake in enough sucker bucks for your enormous bank account. How about scheduling a Pay-Per-View kicking, biting and scratching match in Las Vegas with Floyd Mayweather!

O.J. Simpson To Walk Free After 9 Years In Jail

He was acquitted in one of the most notorious murder trials in U.S. history in the 1990s. However, the former football star was later convicted and imprisoned for a strong-arm robbery in Las Vegas.

Now, after serving nine years in a minimum-security Nevada jail, within a couple of months, O.J. will walk free. Of course, the heavy suspicion that he killed his wife and her friend will never be lifted from his now 70-year-old shoulders.

As a parolee, it isn’t likely O.J. will need to stand in a bread line and spend nights sleeping on the street. He’s already swamped by speaker bookers and reality TV offers. At what could be $50k or more per performance, he can spend his sunset years in comfort.

Since the days of vaudeville when parent killer Lizzie Borden performed, other notorious people have made money on stage. Consider some of the current crop, including Sarah Palin, Al Gore, the Kardashians, Hillary and Bill Clinton. Soon O.J. will join them in the lucrative speech and TV racket.

History Channel: Washington Wins At Gettysburg

Huh? An historic painting posted online with the wrong caption. Some scholar at that esteemed channel must have been smoking some of the stuff now legal in Nevada. The painting actually portrays the general greeting his victorious troops after the Battle at Yorktown in 1781.

Pay attention, students! On this most patriotic day of the year, can we now expect even more accurate facts from the Hysteria Channel? Would you believe Washington taking a selfie while crossing the Mississippi? Could we see Woodrow Wilson declaring war on Canada? Or Richard Nixon invading Mexico? How about Abe Lincoln giving his four-score-and-seven speech at President Hillary Clinton’s inauguration.

Vive Le Presidente! Er, Is That Yo Momma?

And you thought Trump and the Clintons are freaky? The new president of France, Emmaneul Macron is a handsome age 39, with a fluffy hairpiece that makes him look like a reincarnation of young Jack Kennedy. By his side as he begins his rule, we’d expect to see a glamorous 20ish Jackie look-alike first lady of France.

However, unlike Donald and Bill, infamous for chasing younger women, Macron has reversed the tradition. He’s married to his former high school teacher. She’s 64, some 24 years older than the new president of France. In the US, she could have been charged with criminal sexual misconduct with her then-17-year-old student. Brigitte Macron has three adult kids from a previous marriage who are close to their stepfather’s age, and are parents of seven of Brigitte’s grandkids.

So, cheer up all you ladies at the local nursing home. Keep looking out the window, and maybe some day, a handsome young politician may come riding by on his white horse and sweep you up to Elysée Palace.

Old-Fashioned Freak Shows Still Happening

The latest are performed by Donald Trump, Caitlin/AKA/Bruce Jenner, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, Kim Jong-un, the Kardashians and all the other contemporary freaks. There’s nothing new about their antics, all designed to grab our attention and/or money.

I’m old enough to remember seeing circus wagons roll into town and offer freakish sideshow attractions. They included JoJo the Monkey Boy, General Tom Thumb, Elephant Man, Siamese Twins and Schlitzie The Pinhead. As with those who make today’s headlines, they were there to get as much money out of the local yokels as possible.

Some oldtime freaks were physically-deformed, while others offered funny costumes, magic tricks or music to entice you. Among today’s most active freaks are the mentally-deformed pinhead dictator of North Korea and orange-wigged-out leader of the free world.

In addition to reducing your bank account, they want to increase their power. For example, TRUMPeter Ann Coulter blares out her message to gatherings of super-left and super-right college freaks. She incites them to riot, make headlines, sell tickets and peddle her books.

A very familiar example of today’s version of the circus freak is Bruce/AKA/Caitlin Jenner. Prime time interviews, theater appearances, speeches and book sales are making him/her a bi-billionaire.

And, of course, there are the political celebrity promo deals. A year ago, Barack Obama teased Hillary Clinton for getting $200,000 per speech. Along with other lucrative deals, he’s grabbing $400,000 for a one-hour freak show in front of a bunch of overstuffed Wall Street billionaires, scheduled for September.

With their glory days faded, Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin and other failed political freaks may still be able to make a few bucks with speeches. Or if that fails, stand on street corners with a tin cup. Shakespeare said it best in Macbeth: “A poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”